The act of domestic abuse is generally defined as a pattern of coercive, controlling and aggressive behavior that can include physical or sexual violence, verbal and psychological attacks, stalking, isolation and/or economic coercion. The offender is an adolescent or adult of either sex and of any nationality or race that uses these tactics against a girlfriend or boyfriend, spouse or even an elderly parent. It is a negative behavior found in all socio-economic classes so the wealthy and educated are just as likely to be involved with it as a poor, underachieving family. It isn’t something that happens just once out of anger, but instead is usually a continuous pattern of behavior to instill fear and dominance over the intimate partner to get them to behave the way the perpetrator wants.
It is a myth that the victim has somehow provoked the abuser to display this behavior, or that it’s the victim’s fault. Instead, it’s a behavior that the perpetrator may have learned from the adults and society around him/her while growing up. For example, it was considered acceptable behavior in the household they grew up in, or they were exposed to a culture of violence within their peer groups, community or school.
Perpetrators usually utilize one or some of the following tactics:
1. They have different public and private personalities. This makes it difficult to always spot. You might think that the fun, seemingly laid-back and community oriented executive down the street is a great guy. However, behind closed doors he might actually be coercive and controlling.
2. Abusers often make the victim feel like it wouldn’t happen if they would stop acting in a particular way. They put blame on the intimate partner for their own violent or regulating actions. They explain that it wouldn’t happen if their partner didn’t make them act that way.
3. Denial. Abusers act out and are sometimes actually remorseful afterwards. To be able to continue on, they minimize, deny or justify their behavior. This leaves the victim wondering if they are making too big a deal about it, or questioning themselves.
4. They extend too much control and power over the other person’s life. This can include monitoring email and phone calls, following the person, isolating them from friends and family and restricting finances so the victim can’t get access to funds.
With one in four women involved in some sort of domestic violence in their lifetime, it isn’t looked upon lightly in the United States anymore. It is a recognized social issue, which is punishable by law. In many states, all it takes is one phone call to have the perpetrator taken into custody and prosecuted. In fact, in many jurisdictions, once the police arrive to break up the dispute, the victim can’t back down, explain it was a mistake and ask them to go away. The officers must follow-through and take the offender in custody.
Courts across the country understand that perpetrators need support and intervention to help them break the cycle of abusive behavior. Batterer’s Intervention Programs are commonly mandated so that the offender has an opportunity to learn new skills to end the abuse. These court mandated classes are available to take online with prior approval from your judge. Help yourself change your attitude and lifestyle by learning the same material you would find in a traditional classroom, but in the relaxed comfort of your own home. Look into a high quality and educational online domestic violence course today!
